Player ratings: a collective Bayern horror show against Stuttgart
player ratings
Player ratings: a collective Bayern horror show against Stuttgart

Bayern saw the Bundesliga season off with perhaps the worst performance of the campaign. Every single player put forth a dismal display, in what was a terrible league farewell for Jupp Heynckes.

Excellent

Nein.

Great

😂

Good

Corentin Tolisso

Coco has found a bit of form after a slow start. He is energetic and physical. Tolisso adds pace to the game and indeed tried to move the team forward. Much like the rest of the team, he failed to produce. But at least he tried.

Average

Niklas Süle

Niki played fantastically well this season, showing maturity beyond his age. However, he took out all the amateurishness for a walk this time. He misplaced passes left, right, front and centre, and failed to cover Stuttgart’s attackers properly.

James Rodríguez

James did not make any major mistakes, but he might as well have stayed at home. Largely absent and out of sync with the rest of the team.

Rafinha

One out of two players with a fresh contract, Rafinha was as subpar as the whole team. Like Joshua Kimmich (more on him below), the Brazilian resorted to crossing far more often than he should have. Stuttgart players beat him twice for two goals, and he was playing too far upfield for comfort.

Thomas Müller

Müller is not consistent enough on the right. We know this, and Jupp knew this. Yet there was little to be done.

Sven Ulreich

Ulreich did what he could, but there were traces of his indecisiveness in Stuttgart’s second goal. Rather than coming out to close the angle on the incoming striker, he stopped halfway, clearing the picture for a finish. Aside from that, he was mostly let down by his teammates. However, no goalkeeper that concedes four goals is up for a decent rating.

Joshua Kimmich

Absent, unattentive and complacent. Kimmich offered a performance that was beneath him. He attempted more crosses than he should have, and was caught out of position in at least three of Stuttgart’s count.

Bad

Mats Hummels

The worst game I remember seeing Hummels play in a Bayern shirt. Woefully complacent, unintelligent and uninterested. The irony came with Stuttgart’s fourth goal, where Hummels failed to clear the line for the offside trap and appealed to the linesmann for the call. Horrible.

Thiago

Ever since the semifinal, Thiago has been out of sorts. He misplaces passes almost chronically, and always adds more flair than is needed. On Saturday, he compounded the bad form with bad decision making. In Bayern’s only clear-cut chance, he failed to pass onto Lewandowski, who was constantly on the lookout for his 30th Bundesliga goal.

Franck Ribéry

Always trying, but being too selfish on the ball. Ribéry will have a hard time embracing the fact that he cannot take on multiple opponents and come out with the ball as often as he did five years ago.

Javi Martínez

Javi had very little effect on the game. However, his misplaced pass that set a Stuttgart counterattack going and yielded a goal is enough to put him here.

Robert Lewandowski

The season cannot end soon enough for Lewandowski. I get that he wanted his 30th Bundesliga goal. I truly do. But football is a team game, and I will never understand players who put individual goals before collective ones. The only reason Tolisso scored was that Lewandowski failed to try a shot and ended up assisting Coco inadvertently.

Adidas

In an attempt to make light of this horrible defeat, I will throw vitriol at adidas. Here’s the thing. The new shirt is absolutely gorgeous. The diamond watermark that is reminiscent of the flag of Bavaria falls just short of being a cliché. It also falls in line with adidas’ new retro design language that we saw with the World Cup kits and will indeed continue for the 2018-19 season. However, it is also very well implemented, and the colours work.

What doesn’t work?

WHY ON EARTH DID THEY CHANGE BAYERN’S ICONIC FONT? There was nothing wrong with it. It was simple, classy and timeless. There was no need to fix what wasn’t broken. And yet, we ended up with a hybrid between Helvetica and Franklin Gothic. Generic, underwhelming and sure to age badly.

BRING BACK THE OLD FONT.

Thank you and good night.

Not rated

Sebastian Rudy and Sandro Wagner.

 

Red Odyssey